“This is kind of silly… I should be doing something more important.”
I really wanted to go see the cherry blossoms here in Chicago. I missed them last year. This year, I missed the orchids—which I was supposed to go see for my birthday. I missed that too.
“You are that excited about a stupid flower?”
So many thoughts, doubts, and voices—as usual.
I should be doing something more important, like the two loads of laundry or that grocery trip to Trader Joe’s. Laundry and grocery shopping are never-ending loops, especially with two boys—one who plays sports.
But it’s not about the cherry blossoms at all. It’s about keeping promises to myself—about doing the small, whimsical things that make life feel like more than just responsibilities.
I’m making a promise to unpause the “get to know myself” button. To try more things I’m drawn to. The things I’ve never tried before. The things I’ve been told I’m “too old for.”
When I was about six, a family friend saw me drawing a picture of an outfit and asked if I wanted to be a fashion designer when I grew up. I didn’t really know what I wanted to be. The other things my classmates said with confidence—doctor, lawyer, teacher—just didn’t fit. I didn’t even fully understand what a fashion designer was yet, but I ran with the idea.
I carried it into high school, where I designed my senior prom gown during my sophomore year. I drew dress designs and sold them to classmates for $5 a sketch. I even reached out to a local fashion designer to ask if I could be her apprentice—well, my cousin called for me because I was too shy. She said yes, and just like that, my fashion career began.
I kept going in college, studying fashion design and participating in fashion shows. Eventually, I opened my own studio. I had big dreams, but no real plan. Shortly after, I became a mom, and fashion design—as I knew it—no longer fit.
I found myself ping-ponging between creative part-time jobs and full-time teaching roles.
Now, after pieces of different careers and creative paths, I realize something: I don’t fully know what I want. I don’t even know everything I like—because I haven’t been exposed to or tried enough things. I wish I had explored more, even if just through hobbies.
I tutor someone in digital illustration, and she inspires me so much. She has her job, but she also has hobbies she explores outside of work. She tries new things—things she used to be afraid to do.
Because of her, I started a sketchbook study on cherry blossoms. And I realized—I didn’t just want to draw them. I wanted to see them in person.
Seeing the cherry blossoms in Japan is next.
This post is about cherry blossoms—but it also isn’t.
It’s about not letting anyone tell you it’s too late to try something… to try anything. That’s how you begin to discover who you really are—not the version of yourself that adapts and blends in around others, but the real you underneath it all.
Get to know the real you.
Starting now.
Love,
Johnni
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